He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
420 ftw
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
