Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
