I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
