I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
