At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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