Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
