honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
