apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
