i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
