you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
