About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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