I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
