we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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