Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
