Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
