why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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