The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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