k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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