John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
