I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
