That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
