Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
