I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
