There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
