you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
