My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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