Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
