I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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