: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
