I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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