The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
