So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
