May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
