I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
