i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
