got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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