I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
