Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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