OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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