I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
