Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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