Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
