So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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