you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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