Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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