i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
