is your mom at the bar?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
