3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
