Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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