You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
