Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
