I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
